Hallelujah
by saltedpineapple
Summary: Post series. Everyone had returned, well almost everyone. Thomas swore he was handling everything just fine. He wasn't.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hallelujah **_

_It's not a cry you can hear at night / It's not someone who has seen the light / It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

There wasn't anything he could do, and he knew that. He was left to pick up the pieces and move on alone, as always. He knew what people would think: he's not alone. He has his family. And that may have been true, he remembered saying something along those lines himself at one point. Everyone got what they were fighting for in the end, the worlds were safe and friends brought back to life, brought back home to those who loved them.

_Shark's not coming back. _

Thomas remembered Yuma tell him with tears in his eyes. Thomas scoffed at the statement. Of course Ryoga – Nasch, whatever, _who_ever, wasn't coming back. Fists were balled angrily at his sides, shaking as he turned away from the exhausted boy. For the first time he felt all the words in the world escape him. What was he supposed to say? _That's obvious. You should have known that all along. He's an idiot. Always an idiot. A stupid fucking idiot, how dare he leave us – how dare he leave me alone._

A knock on his loft door caused him to groan and shove the almost empty whiskey bottle back into the cabinet. Long fingers ruffled through his hair in a futile attempt to control the crimson strands. A few days had passed since they all returned; the days had run together for him as sleep never came no matter what was in his system.

He opened the door with more force then intended as it bounced off the door stop. A gasp hitched and stuck in his throat as he stared at the pair standing in front of him, words proving absent again.

"Are you going to let us in, or stand there like an idiot?" She asked as she pushed passed him not waiting for the invitation, the other following quickly behind her.

Thomas closed the door behind him, leaning against it not exactly trusting his legs at the time. Magenta eyes trailed up and down her frame, trying to decide if she was some sort of cruel phantom his tired mind had plagued him with or not. His shoulder tingled still from where she brushed passed him, she had to be real.

"Rio."

She smiled sweetly at the sound of the name, soft blue bangs falling across her face. It had been so long since she had heard it. If she was honest it was the name she preferred, the one given to her in this lifetime.

"Come on, you look like an idiot. Stand up straight." She moved toward him again, pulling him from the door and into her arms. Thomas sighed, releasing the breath he wasn't aware he was holding as he returned the embrace, taking in her fresh winter pine smell.

"Don't mean to drop in unannounced, but we need a place to stay."

_We?_ Thomas's eyes snapped up forgetting someone else was even at the door. Who he saw wasn't who he expected; it wasn't who Rio's "we" ever implied before. Standing anchored where Rio was previously was a shorter teen, gray hair to match steel eyes hiding behind glasses. Thomas only saw him once before, and knew he was Barian, but had no name to go on.

"Uh."

Rio shook her head and clicked her tongue as she pulled away from the older teen. "Right, I suppose names would help. Thomas, Durbe. Durbe, Thomas."

The two men gave each other a small nod but otherwise stayed quiet, eyes quickly finding anywhere but the other to look at. Thomas cursed himself and his unusual silence. Too many questions were floating in his head. _Where was Ryoga, then? Why did it take days for the Barians to show up? Where were the other Barians? Hell, where was Ryoga? Were they humans now? Were they even alive? Where the fuck was Ryoga?_

_Don't be stupid, he was probably at Yuma's._

A sharp sting flared up on his forearm, his gaze locking with Rio's who was still smiling at him.

"Don't make me carry this conversation all by myself, it's quite rude."

Thomas's eyes narrowed on her, "you're the one being rude, pinching me like that." He sighed, relief washing into him that he could in fact still form sentences.

"Oh, good. You can talk," she teased, shaking his comment off as if it was nothing, "so inviting us in?"

Thomas rolled his eyes as he walked past the pair, leading them both into the living area. He flopped ungracefully into the armchair across from the couch where Rio and Durbe sat. A coffee table sat between them, littered with too many dirty drinking glasses stained amber from the trace amounts of alcohol dried inside them.

"What the hell is going on?" Thomas asked as he started to group the glasses together, not that it made him look like any less of a lonely alcoholic but he needed to busy himself.

"We all suddenly showed up yesterday," Durbe finally spoke up, the deep voice taking Thomas off guard as it didn't match his kind appearance. "We were all at Yuma's but it's too crowded."

"All?"

"Well, Alit, Gilag, and Vector stayed there for now," Rio clarified, "Mizael went to the hospital to see Kaito."

Thomas nodded, that made six. "And Ryoga?"

The question made the pair visibly jolt, their gazes falling to their laps. The clink of the glassware echoed in the barely furnished room as Thomas stilled his movements, falling back into the armchair. Yuma's words rattled around in his empty brain. It could have been that the whiskey finally numbed his mind to all feeling, but the only emotion he had was a disappointed confirmation.

_Of course he wasn't coming back._

He busied himself in the kitchen as distraction the next day. His brothers filed in and out, Michael spending all his time at Yuma's and Chris was only home long enough for a shower and fresh clothes before he was back at the hospital.

"Are you going to be OK here all alone?" Merag asked as she pulled Durbe off of the couch, tossing the tablet he had in his hands onto the cushions. "You could come to Yuma's with us."

Thomas scoffed at the idea of seeing even more people. No, alone was just fine; alone kept him sane. He put the last of the dirty drinkware in the dishwasher before closing it, waving them off as he dried his hands. "I'm fine."

A soft sigh passed over her lips as she shook her head. "Be that way, you stubborn pain in the ass."

"Look who's talking."

The only response he received was Rio rolling her eyes before leaving the loft, Durbe on her heels.

He muttered curses as he tossed the dishrag against the back splash, leaning forward as his fingers gripped the counter's edge tightly. There wasn't a fiber in his being that felt "fine" but he never brought it up in the past, what was the use to start now? His gaze fell to the clock above the oven; 10:39 AM, perfect time to start drinking. Maybe if he was drunk enough later he'd forget that he had agreed to let two constant reminders move into the spare room.

The space around him felt warm as it woke him gently from his drunken slumber, the whiskey bottle long since emptied on the table next to the armchair. He didn't remember turning the heater on as a yawn passed over his lips as he stretched sore from falling asleep sitting up.

Once his eyes focused he noticed an orb of light – energy almost floating in front of him. His eyebrows knotted together as he rubbed his eyes, swearing he was still drunk, sleep deprived, or finally losing his mind. When he opened his eyes again the ball of purple energy had moved closer, heat radiating off of it as it warmed his face.

"The fuck," he muttered as the ball moved even closer. He pushed himself back into the chair only to feel more trapped as the ball finally touched his cheek. An audible gasp left his lungs as the warmth surged through him. Only it wasn't just a heat. It was a love, a kindness he knew was familiar. His heart felt light in his chest even though his chest itself felt as if it was constricting. Magenta eyes slid shut as his stomach jumped before corkscrewing on itself, his fingers digging into the arm rests of the chair.

Only when the ball of energy moved back did his eyes open again. He was panting slightly as he felt the love leave his body as it backed away. There was no mistaking it. A love he may have only just gotten to know, a few weeks at the most. But it was one he swore he would never forget, one he already died once trying to defend.

"Ryoga..." The name ghosted over his lips and the purple orb seemed to respond, glowing bright until its center was hot white.

Thomas shook his head, confusion was clouding his mind easily as he wasn't even going to try to understand what was happening. None of the last 24 hours made sense. Rio or Durbe couldn't tell him why they were suddenly revived as humans. And now Ryoga was –

He held out his hand, palm up. The orb bounced slightly in the air before it settled in his palm, the warm love starting to flow though his body again. He watched the orb pulse in his hand unaware that tears were silently collecting in his eyes.

"Ryoga, what happened?"

The silence in the room was deafening, shattering against the warm circle the pair had created. Realization set in, they couldn't communicate. A shaky sigh skipped over his lips as his eyes slid shut, pushing the hot tears down his cheeks. Alone kept him sane; and now he didn't have either.


	2. Chapter 2

_Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah _

Thomas wasn't sure how much time had passed. His head hurt, and eyes stung from the tears. The orb – Ryoga left his hand, pressing against his face once more. It felt like a hand on his wet cheek, desperately trying to wipe the tears away. Thomas knew if he opened his eyes all he'd see is the purple ball of energy; so he kept his eyes closed opting to pretend Ryoga was there, sitting on his lap with their warm bodies pressed together. Ryoga's head rested on his shoulder, fingers stroking his cheek, whispering _It's OK now_ and _I'm here, I won't leave_ in between laying lazy kisses on his neck. Fingers twitched as his arms laid motionless on the arm rests. He wished he could move them, wrap them around the smaller frame he felt weigh on his lap; but he knew if he did the illusion that was created would be ruined. He was alright with lying to himself, his whole life was just an illusion anyway.

The sound of the door handle rattling and door opening forced Thomas out of his dream and open his eyes. The ball of energy the first thing he saw. A shaky sigh escaped his lips as scrubbed the tears away himself. The orb settled against his shoulder as Chris emerged from the foyer.

"Still sitting here by yourself?" Chris asked, eyeing the empty liquor bottle on the end table beside his brother. He frowned when he saw how disheveled his younger brother really was, but knew better than to bring it up.

Thomas huffed and rested his head in his hand, adverting his gaze from Chris, "I'm fine alone."

Chris hummed and rolled his eyes. "Come on, get up and go to bed, it's late."

"I'm not going to be able to sleep."

His brother didn't seem like he was going to take no for an answer as he walked over to the arm chair, pulling Thomas from it. Ryoga passed right in front of his face, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Go lay down and at least try."

The younger Arclight grunted as he yanked his arm away from his brother and stalked off toward the bedrooms. He faltered for a moment at the edge of the hall, turning his head to look back at his brother.

"Do you notice anything different?"

Chris raised an eyebrow, "aside from your normal state these last few days? No, why?"

Thomas shook his head and headed down the hall. "Never mind, forget it. Good night."

The cool morning sunlight bathed him through his half open window. Thomas groaned and rolled away from it, feeling groggy and faint. It was the first time he had gotten any proper sleep in days, and it didn't even feel like nearly enough. He rubbed his eyes before slowly opening them, and just like the other times – the first thing he saw was Ryoga's energy floating a few inches above his mattress.

"Why are you here?" He asked out loud before remembering the orb couldn't speak. He pursed his lips together, trying to figure out how he could communicate.

He shifted in the bed, pillowing his head with one arm, reaching out to hold the orb again with the other. "We'll figure something out," he muttered, more to assure himself than Ryoga.

He slid out of the bed, pulling his house coat on and tying it off before wandering out into the living area, Ryoga trailing behind him. Everyone seemed to be back in the loft, Durbe and Chris both reading different parts of the same newspaper and Rio sat next to Durbe eating the breakfast Michael had cooked. She noticed him first, smiling warmly before her eyes widened.

"Ryoga!"

The sudden outburst of the name made everyone stop and look at Thomas, who was even turning around to see if anything had suddenly changed with the orb. It was still there, slightly bigger and brighter than before – probably from his sister being able to see him as well.

The chair scooted across the tile floor as she shot up, rushing to their side. There were tears in hear eyes as well, but not sad like Thomas' had been, they were relieved.

"What's going on?" Michael asked, not being able to see whatever the former Barian's had responded to, Durbe now at Rio's side.

Thomas tore his eyes away from the trio to look at his brothers, "you guys really can't see it, can you?"

They both shook their heads, "see what?"

"Ryoga." Rio muttered as she reached out, her hand shaking slightly as she went to hold the energy ball. Her body began to glow the instant they touched, a blue aura surrounding both her and the orb which seemed to grow even bigger.

Rio's eyes were glowing red, "go ahead, Durbe." She said turning toward him, shifting the purple energy to him. He too started to glow white, the orb morphing into something less uniform, almost a mist. Durbe's eyes turned red as well behind his glasses.

"Where are the others?" he asked.

Thomas shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening in front of him. He should be used to all the magic and tricks now, but they were human now. Or at least they had said they were, so where was the sudden Barian energies coming from?

"You know where they are, Durbe." Thomas answered confused at the question, but slowly putting it together in his mind that they too were needed. Whatever reaction that had happened between Ryoga and the pair had given him more energy.

"It's not him asking," Rio spoke up, her voice was shaking as she watched the mist through her teary eyes, "Ryoga is asking."

Thomas' gaze shifted to the purple energy, "Ryoga?" he murmured and she nodded and placed a reassuring hand on Thomas' arm.

"They're at Yuma's," Thomas eventually replied when he was pulled from his haze.

"Take me to Yuma's, then." Ryoga said through Durbe before the white light faded between both of them, Durbe's eyes returning to their steely shade.

Despite Rio and Durbe tagging along, Ryoga's energy stuck close to Thomas. He wasn't going to argue, the warmth was even stronger than before. It was like he could almost hear Ryoga calling out to him, trying to talk to him without the others' aid. Feelings too personal, too intimate to let leave anyone's lips but his own.

It was easy to get his hopes up when they stopped at the hospital along the way to see Mizael first. The blond hadn't left Kaito's room since he had returned to Earth, much to Kaito's irritation. Kaito let Thomas know it was nice to hear from him as well, which made Chris comment that he should be glad he couldn't see his pathetic state. Thomas cursed at them both to shut up as Ryoga moved to where Mizael was seated.

As the energy began to transfer – or that's at least what Thomas assumed was happening he took his chance to finally speak with Ryoga.

"When we finally get to Yuma's and see the other's, will you be back to normal?" Thomas asked unable to hide the hopefulness in his tone.

Ryoga laughed, which sounded strangely as mocking as it would have if it left his own lips, "that's the plan."

Thomas' eyes narrowed on Mizael, "Shut up." He sighed and shook his head, "why did it have to be this way?"

Thomas didn't get his answer before Mizael's eyes returned to their normal blue color. The pulse of energy almost looking human, but still looked like an apparition.

Yuma greeted them at his door joined quickly by Alit who had come around the corner with a bag of snacks; which he immediately dropped when he saw the Ryoga ghost.

"Nasch!" He couldn't contain his excitement as he bound through everyone; latching onto the spirit, his body instantly starting to glow red.

"Shark?" Yuma scratched the back of his head confused at to what was going on. Yuma distracting Thomas to where he couldn't ask any questions to Ryoga before the light between Alit and Nasch had faded.

"Wait, you mean you can't see him either?" Thomas asked, he was sure Yuma out of anyone would be able to see his friend.

"See who?"

Thomas turned to the side motioning to the apparition that was nearly touching the ground now, "Ryoga. No, you can't see him, can you?"

Yuma shook his head. "No I can't. I'm lost; what's going on?"

Thomas stared off at the Ryoga ghost behind him as Rio and Durbe tried to explain to Yuma what was going on. Why was he the only human that could see Ryoga? He felt the pull of the spirit again, his own soul feeling warm and comfortable, but still confused himself.

"Got it. Come in, Gilag and Vector are upstairs."

When they got to the room Gilag had Vector pinned to the ground underneath him as they wrestled over the TV remote.

"I'm not sitting through another one of your idol concerts! We're playing a video game this time!" Vector struggled underneath him but had a death grip on the remote refusing to let go.

"Guys, please." Yuma sighed; and Thomas could tell he was getting tired of taking care of the Barians. No matter how much he loved them. It was a small space for three of them, the three most energetic of them at that, to occupy civilly.

The pair stopped struggling momentarily and Vector took the chance to pull the remote close to his chest.

"Nasch." They both said in unison as they stood up.

Yuma explained to them what was going on, even if he couldn't see Shark himself it was easy for him to believe he was there. And an easy confirmation when Gilag stepped forward first to touch the apparition, both glowing green.

"Why did it happen this way?" Thomas asked instantly, trying to get as many answers as he could in the short window.

"Our souls were so mingled together, when they revived I guess parts of me were trapped in them." Ryoga answered by proxy.

"That's why they can see you and Yuma can't?"

Gilag nodded, "I think so."

"Why can I see you?"

He laughed, "That should be obvious, shouldn't it?"

Thomas rolled his eyes, "stop being an ass and be straight with me."

Before Ryoga could answer again the light faded. Thomas groaned, frustrated. They were close now, he supposed it didn't matter he'd get his answers in one more try. He reached out and pulled Vector to the spirit who now had arms and legs, and Thomas could almost make out the outline of his hair.

"Your turn."

Vector huffed, "What if I don't want to?"

Thomas' eyes instantly narrowed on the younger teen and even he could feel everyone's eyes also staring disapproval at Vector. He only chuckled though as he shrugged his shoulders. "What he killed me, why would I want him back?"

"Vector!"

"Yeah, well, killed me too." Thomas retorted, "come on." He forced the contact between the two of him, his patience already gone. The purple flared bright and the anticipation to see Ryoga completely human again was pushing Thomas. His heart was beating fast as he watched the form take complete shape. Details of his body becoming sharp and clear, he could count fingers and even see the outline of his clothing.

But something was wrong.

The tears were instant in his eyes as he watched the purple finally fade from around Vector and Ryoga. His form still wasn't complete as it stood solid on the ground, but still transparent, still a ghost. It wasn't his Ryoga after all that work. There was no face, no features, no smug expression as it stepped closer to Thomas.

Thomas' body was visibly shaking as the apparition's arm wrapped around his neck, tugging them close. A sob wracked his body as it stuck in his throat as he stared into the blank white face in front of him. Ryoga leaned closer, his would-be lips brushing against Thomas'. The older teen gasped as he felt but couldn't see them. He closed his eyes not able to look at the empty face any longer. Tears were forming and falling freely from his eyes as his neglected feelings started to consume him; emotions he had buried under lies that he was alright and drowned in far too much alcohol. His head felt light and dizzy as his legs legs finally gave out. He completely expected to crumble to the ground but was stopped by a warm body. His eyes instantly flew open seeing deep cerulean eyes staring back at him.

"R-Ryoga," he choked on another shaky sob as he pulled the smaller body as close. He held on as tight as he possibly could, convinced if he let it loosen for a moment Ryoga would disappear and he'd finally wake up from this nightmare.

Ryoga's fingers rooted deep in the crimson mop of hair, massaging gently to try to get the older teen to relax. He tilted his head, kissing the side of Thomas' temple. "You're being disgusting," he teased a soft smile on his lips.

A heavy sigh left his lungs empty as he straightened himself, finally loosing his grip enough with one arm to scrub the tears away. A broken chuckle fell from his lips when he saw Ryoga smile at him, a shaky one of his own slipping across his face. "Why didn't-?"

Ryoga stepped away, "the last part of my soul was inside you. When I, you know," he sighed as he let his hands find the teen's, fingers lacing together as he squeezed them gently. "my humanity, my heart was buried with you that day."

A laugh erupted from Thomas' chest, fresh tears spilling over his cheeks despite the smile that kept growing into a full grin. "Wow. That's lame, even for you."

"And you're still an ass," Ryoga laughed as well, wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck and pulling him close once more. "Take me home." He murmured against Thomas' lips before stealing a long kiss.

_And from your lips he drew the Hallelujah._


End file.
